To get the year started out right I decided to do a self portrait. This is highly inspired by some of the art I have been fascinated with. Rembrandt, in particular, did an amazing job of capturing the essence of himself with self portraits. I do not promise that I won’t pull this off the wall and fidget with it. There are some things that just bug me to death about it, but for now I am filing it as finished.
The point here is to record my abilities and my frame of mind at the beginning of the year. This is only my second annual portrait. The goal is to make one at the beginning of every year in any medium I choose to show myself who I am as an artist.
This also seems to show a little bit about where I am as a person. The year ended with a lot more personal turmoil than I would have liked. I am finding myself turning inward to understand what is important and find my true strengths. I was forced to watch as my children’s hearts were broken; something no mother enjoys. We will all be the stronger for it, but it made me aware of a vulnerability that I had never felt before. Add to that the common aspects of aging, circles around the eyes and lips losing their thickness, and it looks like a pretty gloomy painting.
That is why I added the paintbrush. The paintbrush is hope. It is my voice in a wordless emotion. It is the tool that connects my mind to the world. It is a friend to the person inside of me. It is the ability to do something positive, even when it seems helpless. Each time I return to this painting, it reminds me that I need to go do my work. it doesn’t have to be a masterpiece. I don’t have to know what I am doing, or have a step by step plan to do it. I simply have to be present and sort through the little problems one at a time until the solutions connect to make a big picture.
Most of the time I paint to say something or show off, but sometimes I get my best advice from the canvas.
I took video of most of this session. You can see it at: